


Soutaicho's Secret Admirer

by queensands



Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M, Love Letters, Secret Admirer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:02:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29581374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queensands/pseuds/queensands
Summary: What is a shinigami to do when she falls for the Head Captain himself? She sends him a love letter saying it's by a "secret admirer" hoping to seduce him with her words, that's what! And seduced he is indeed...
Relationships: Kyouraku Shunsui/Original Character(s), Kyouraku Shunsui/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	1. You've Got Mail

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something that was lying around in my head recently. Let me know what you think!

* * *

It wasn’t like how it was back in the 8th. Not anymore. Back then, his overindulgence of sake the night before meant sleeping late into the afternoon till Nanao-chan deemed it necessary to come find him. 

Last night, he’d spent a bit of time with Ukitake, toasting his life with just a cup of sake. It had meant to be just one cup but toasting his best friend’s life in front of his memorial slowly spiraled into a full-on imbibing session to forget the reality.

And now, here he was, in his office way before he wanted to be, keeping his eye open by force. Being the Soutaicho took a lot out of him. Especially his sleep. Not to mention his peace of mind.

At least he had Nanao-chan.

“Taichou,” she called out to him, softer than usual. She didn’t hesitate when needed to snap him out of his laziness with a strategic slap from her kido text book but she couldn’t today. Not when she knew where he’d been last night. 

They never really spoke of it but Ukitake-Taichou’s death had hit him hard. Now, even ten years or so later, the pain was yet to lessen. She thought it was understandable and perfectly reasonable. You couldn’t stop missing someone who’d been by your side for over a millennia in the matter of decades. So she tried to be softer on him when she could.

“Hmm,” he murmured startled out of his own company.

“You’re here early.”

The shock in her voice made him give her a lazy impertinent smile. “Or I never left.”

She shook her head in disapproval but said no more. Instead, she laid out the mail and some paperwork in front of him before settling down at her own desk to see what was on their agenda for the day.

Most of it were fund requests and what not from divisions for certain projects. There were some formal correspondence addressed to the 1st Division. Among it all was one envelope that caught his eye. For one, it was far too fancy to be just another Squad related missive. It was also addressed to him too casually - “ _Kyouraku Shunsui_ ” written in an elegant feminine hand with no mention of his title or division in sight. He suspected it to be a hand delivered invitation of some sort so he opened it first.

The contents left his mouth opened in awe.

_Dear Shunsui-kun,_

_Even if I lived a million lives, and felt a million things, I still would’ve fallen a million times for you._

_I wish I could forget the distance that lies between us and truly tell you what’s in my heart but…_

_You are you and I am me, and I don’t know how it all could ever be._

_So let me leave my love for you confined to these words and hope some day this distance won’t matter._

_That love alone would be enough._

_Until then,_

_With much love,_

_Your secret admirer._

Nanao glanced up at him. Noticing his strange expression, she almost laughed but her professionalism made her bite it back. “What is it?” she asked calmly.

Startled, he held the paper he was reading to his chest, as if trying to hide its contents. “Nothing!” he told her.

Nanao narrowed her eyes at him, knowing very well that it was not in fact nothing. But she didn’t push further. He seemed excited for some reason, and despite her curiosity, she was reluctant to burst that bubble. She hadn’t seen her Taichou excited - genuinely truly excited - for anything in so long. Not since the Quincy war. He’d lost so much in one single war - his eye, his father figure, his best friend, and his freedom to name just a few. It was a rarity to see him with that mischievous glint in his eye so she let it go.

He stuffed the missive inside the inner pocket of his haori that was usually reserved for sneaking in sake to unacceptable places. “So, how do you want to torture me today, Nanao-chan?” he asked.

She took a pile of forms and dumped them on his desk. “Sign these, Taichou, and I might let you out for lunch.”

“Lunch?” He glanced at the pile in front of him in mock-despair. “It’s barely 8 in the morning! You are mean, Nanao-chan,” he whined.

She ignored him mostly, and concentrated on her own work while he whined on and off. They were used to this dynamic. It felt familiar in a world full of responsibilities and burdens.

As Shunsui mindlessly lazed over the paperwork, his thoughts kept drifting to the letter he had received. Even though he’d only read it once, he could remember it word to word. And he kept wondering who it could be - this secret admirer. 

The letter smelled of lemon and books. The script elegant and neat. Definitely a woman. He was certain of it. But as much as he thought of it, he couldn’t come to a clear conclusion who it could be.

* * *

The next one came a few days later - almost a week had gone by. It was left on the window sill he usually napped on when he could and was the first thing he saw the moment he arrived back from lunch seeking his favorite nap spot to take in some afternoon sun. 

Nanao was scribbling away at something at her own desk, oblivious to his shock and dilemma. He quickly walked up to it and opened it as quickly as he could without tearing it in the haste.

This time, the contents actually made him gasp.

Nanao looked at him with a strange expression on her face, so he quickly schooled his expression to one of normalcy. 

“Taichou?” she inquired.

“Who was in the office after I went to lunch?”

She found his question strange but answered nonetheless. “I was here for a bit, waiting on some paperwork from the 13th. Then I went out to get lunch myself. I got back just a few minutes before you did, actually.”

“Was this here when you left?” He held up the letter, now carefully folded once more.

“Uh. I’m not sure. I suppose I didn’t notice it. Why? What is it?” she asked.

“Oh nothing. Just wondering…don’t mind me,” he said, dismissing it casually. Too casually. “I’m going for a walk.”

“Taichou, you just got back.”

“Well, I’m going again. See you in a bit, Nanao-chan!” he said cheerily, sauntering out before she could stop him.

Once at the tree under which he usually sought his solitude, he settled down and re-read the letter.

_Dear Shunsui,_

_Sometimes, I wish I was the sun, so I may linger upon your skin._

_I wish I was the sake you sip, so I may kiss upon your lips, with none the wiser to our love._

_To let my body drown in yours under the moonlight, to love you endlessly in anyway you’d let me._

_I yearn for you. You could never know just how much I wish you were truly mine, nor how much I wish I was forever yours._

_Love,_

_Your secret admirer._

Unlike the one before, this was more serious and sensual. His secret admirer was attempting to _seduce_ him with her words. 

It was working, he realized, as his mind instantly went to thinking of slow lovemaking under the moonlit sky on a crisp summer night. Perhaps under this very tree, away from prying eyes. The thought had him adjusting his hakama unconsciously as his body responded.

_Who was she?_ he asked himself, uselessly. And he vowed to himself that he would find her out. But in the meantime, he decided to enjoy being romanced and seduced by an ardent admirer.

After all, it wasn’t every day that Soutaicho got sensual love letters…

* * *

… _to be continued._


	2. Breadcrumbs

_Dear Shunsui,_

_It’s been a while since I last saw your face, and I find myself missing you._

_I confess, thoughts of you have me distracted. I keep looking for you no matter where I am, hoping to catch just a glimpse of you._

—

She found herself staring at the parchment for a while, contemplating the dilemma she was truly in. She was in the process of writing another letter to him. Another one that he might not even read let alone take seriously. It had her sighing at the hopelessness of the whole situation.

In the end, a letter or two snuck into the Soutaicho’s office would be as close as she would get to romancing him. He was the most powerful man in the Gotei 13. She, a lowly third seat, had no hopes of catching his attention let alone his love. To him, she might as well be a newborn shinigami who had no clue about anything.

What hope did she really have? None, that’s what.

But to her…he was _more_ than just the Soutaicho. So much more.

It brightened up her day to see him in that ridiculously pink kimono. He was probably the most handsomest man she had ever seen. While most men look almost too pretty, Shunsui was so manly. The hair smattering that chest, peaking through his uniform did terrible things to her. The way those grey eyes would look at someone…not that she’d been truly privileged to have them on her in her time as a shinigami. Maybe a passing glance at best. Direct eye contact might have had her bursting into flames on the spot! The eye patch didn’t make him seem any less. In fact it seemed to add just a bit of a dangerous aura to him that only worked to make him seem even more attractive to her.

He was always kind to everyone, always teasing, always smiling that lazy smile of his. She had been sad to notice that he smiled less and less nowadays.

She had been slowly falling for him while he was still in the Eighth. Even then, he was way out of her league but now they might as well be from two different planets. Their statuses in life felt that far apart.

Her being hopelessly and endlessly in love with Kyouraku Shunsui was the reason why she hadn’t been able to date anyone in over a decade. Not that she minded. Any man she knew couldn’t hold a candle to what _he_ made her feel.

She didn’t begin writing these love letters for the Soutaicho because she had any hope of him reading them and reciprocating her feelings. She maybe naive and romantic, but she wasn’t stupid enough to have such foolish hopes. She knew there was no chance of him finding out who she was. She wouldn’t get in any trouble. So it just felt like a safe way to brighten up his day and give an outlet for her pent up feelings. But then one letter became two. Then two letters became a weekly thing that she looked forward to — sharing her thoughts with him even if he had no clue who she was.

It was still hers. This was just theirs. And maybe it could be enough. If this was all she could have, it had to be enough.

She was so deep in thought, contemplating the futility of her love story, that when someone walked into the room, she was completely taken off guard. But realizing who exactly it was had her blushing like a startstruck fool while she rushed to hide the parchment she was writing on. For there stood the object of her affection himself squinting down at her in confusion.

“Soutaicho!” She gasped.

_Oh. My. God._ She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Oh good lord. How embarrassing would it be if she actually passed out and that ended up being his first ever impression of her? This was the worst thing that could ever happen to her. The absolute worst considering she could feel her cheeks flush even redder.

* * *

Shunsui wasn’t Yamaji. He wasn’t one to sit in an office or be strictly all business. It wasn’t in him to be that way.

In fact, even Nanao-chan insisted that he try to stick to being his wandering self so that he could hold on to the truest parts of himself while he was handling the responsibilities of being Soutaicho, without having the title absorbing him whole. He wanted to cultivate his own traditions in the Gotei 13 rather than adhere to the old ones, doing everything exactly the same way they had been done for a millennia or more. Rigidity could spell death. For the Gotei. And also for his sanity.

One of his favorite traditions so far would be his impromptu visits to the other divisions. It wouldn’t ever be formal, though the other Taichos never seemed to get that memo. He just liked to know if the Gotei was doing alright under his care. What better way to know than to see it for himself?

Kuchiki Rukia had just become the Captain of Squad 13, and that squad held a special place in his heart after all. Why wouldn’t he want to check up on her?

Fine. Who was he fooling? That was not the reason he was here at all. The moment he left his office, his feet were drawn to Squad 13 and the ugendo purely out of habit. It wasn’t until he was already there, startling the squad’s third seat out of some paperwork that he realized where he really was.

“Soutaicho!” The third seat, whose pretty face he remembered but the name he couldn’t recall, stood up instantly, shuffling her papers around hastily. “I…I..uhm…I didn’t realize…”

The door opened and Rukia walked out interrupting the poor girl’s stammering. “It’s alright, _____-san. I think he’s here to see me.”

“I thought I forgot a scheduled inspection, Taicho!”

Rukia looked at him as if to ask if that was the case, but they both knew it wasn’t. After all, it wasn’t the first time that Shunsui had wandered only to end up here.

Just the same, he wanted to put them at ease. “You’re not in trouble,” he said with a smile. “I just felt like a walk and I thought I’d come see the new Taicho.”

The third seat, still probably mesmerized by Shunsui and the fact that she was actually standing before the Soutaicho of the Gotei 13 itself, stared at him with wide eyes. She was a tiny little thing. Barely reaching even the top of his shoulders. And in that moment, she looked a bit like a doe caught in headlights.

“You go on ahead, _____-san,” Rukia said gently, taking pity on her subordinate. “The workday is already over. We can finish the rest of the paperwork tomorrow.”

“Oh! Uhm…yes, Taicho!” _____-san said. Then she turned to Shunsui and bowed before making a very hasty exit.

The scent of lemons that softly teased his nostrils as she rushed past him was the first breadcrumb. Looking back at that moment, he would think so. But in that moment, he didn’t really make note of it all.

His mind was too busy trying to think of an excuse to give Rukia for randomly showing up. One that wouldn’t have her feeling too sad for him.

Besides it made perfect sense when Rukia offered him lemonade that the third seat usually made for the squad once in a while to keep up their morale on summer days. What else would smell like lemons if not delicious lemonade?

* * *

When Shunsui reached back to the office to see if Nanao-Chan had anything more he had to attend to before he headed out, the office was empty.

But there at the center of his desk was a carefully placed envelope with his name written in the same beautiful handwriting he had grown to know so well and wait for with anticipation.

_Dear Shunsui,_

_It’s been a while since I last saw your face and I find myself missing you. I confess, thoughts of you have me distracted. I keep looking for you no matter where I am, hoping to catch just a glimpse of you._

_And in the rare moment that I do, I wish I could just run up to you and greet you with a kiss. As if you were truly mine._

_I see the sadness you hope no one would notice. I see how it lingers even when you smile. You could never know how much I wish I could take away the pain but I know that is beyond me._

_So I wish I could just hold you close and maybe make you forget the rest of the world and the weight upon your shoulders. I wish I would get a moment to make you smile just so I can kiss the curve of your lips._

_But my love must remain confined here to ink and paper and that breaks my heart._

_Love_ ,

_Your Secret Admirer_

—

This one tugged his heart in the strangest way and had him holding the letter close to his chest.

He did indeed have people around him. People who respected him. People who revered him. People who flirted with him and the ones he flirted back with.

Yet he longed for the kind of companionship in which even proximity could offer comfort. In which even silence could soothe him.

These letters started out silly and romantic and seductive…all things he definitely enjoyed.

But now, on a day like this, when he felt too low and too alone, this letter had him yearning too. It had him hoping, and wishing in a way he hadn’t felt the need to in a millennia.

He _had_ to find her. _He just had to_


	3. My Dear Valentine

As much as Nanao-chan strictly insisted that today was just like any other day, the bits of pink and red popping up all over the black and white of the seireitei said otherwise. Of course, Squad 1 was devoid of such nonsense, despite Shunsui’s several clandestine operations to host a party in the 1st for the last decade. He had been sternly thwarted by his fuktaicho who did not believe this day to hold any meaning at all.

Maybe that’s why it was that much more fun to bother her thoroughly with something she would definitely think to be too extravagant.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, my sweet, sweet, Nanao-chan,” Shunsui said with a cheeky smile, plopping the gift down on her desk.

She stared at the little teddy-bear donned in red bows and holding a red plushy heart saying “sweet, sweet, Nanao-chan!”

Her gaze turned upwards towards him. “This is a highly inappropriate gift to give to your fuktaicho.”

“Ah, but we are practically family. And you are my sweet, sweet, Nanao-chan after all…”

“Hmm…” was all she said in response.

Even if she said she hated the gift, she dared not move it. She allowed the fluffy thing to take space on her desk and carried on working.

Shunsui continued to stare at her, waiting impatiently and expectantly. She continued to look over another expense report from the 11th for property damage, but Shunsui didn’t move.

Finally she looked up. “Did you need something?”

He pouted at her. “Did Nanao-chan forget?”

She wanted to pretend and feign ignorance but she just couldn’t do it. She has clearly gone soft in the past couple of years if his pouting face could make her cave this easily.

“Fine,” she sighed, and reached into her desk drawer. In her hand was an assorted box of chocolates all complete with a white ribbon tied into a bow. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Taicho,” she said.

“Why, thank you, Nanao-chan! You really shouldn’t have,” he said making Nanao snort a bit. He was already opening it as he sauntered towards his side of the office.

On top of his desk was…well, nothing but paperwork, and he had to say he was just a little bit disappointed. He had been wondering what his beloved Secret Admirer would give him this Valentine’s Day. Truthfully, it was all he had been looking forward to this week. But there was no love letter hidden beneath other official mail or left on top of his window sill.

He sat down at his desk and pulled out his latest project. He popped in one of Nanao-chan’s chocolates, the taste of salted caramel teasing his taste buds, and spread out the fancy lavender colored paper.

After all, she wasn’t the only one with a way of words.

Even after becoming the Soutaicho, he continued to write a few chapters for “Rose-Colored-Path.” Sure, that was mostly erotica but writing a love letter couldn’t be that difficult, could it?

He already had a bit written out. He was still trying to figure out how to tell this sweet Secret Admirer he would want to get to know her, without making it sound like either its a command from the Soutaicho, or as if he was a complete and utter lecher trying to score a night or two of fun.

Then of course there was the bigger problem. How in the world was he to get this love letter to her? He still had no clue who she was let alone if she was actually serious about the things she said. It was both frustrating and romantic.

Right now, as things were, it was mostly frustrating.

It was in times like this that he desperately wished Juu was around. He was certain his best friend would have had some kind of solution or at least some words of wisdom to offer to this heartbreaking dilemma. Or maybe he would have admonished Shunsui for falling for someone he hadn’t even seen yet. With Juu gone, and with the position he now held, he had no one to talk to about things that bothered him.

He had no peers after all. Being the man at the top was not easy. He knew it would be a difficult job when he stepped up to it, but he had no idea that it would be this lonely.

All of his quiet sighing and restless shuffling naturally drew Nanao’s attention.

“How difficult is it to read through a missive and stamp your seal of authority?” Nanao asked, stepping up to his desk. He tried to hide what he was working on, but Nanao’s sharp eyes would not be waylaid. “Unless…you are not working on the paperwork as you were supposed…”

“No, no!” Shunsui insisted, knowing the lavender paper was peeking through his hands. “It’s just a bit of difficult paperwork. Strictly official business, I assure you, my dear Nanao-chan.”

“Oh I see,” she said, and Shunsui hoped she really didn’t see at all.

“What is it?” he asked warily.

She had a strange smile on her face. One that had Shunsui wanting to run for cover. It did not bode well when Nanao-chan bared her teeth like that.

“Does this have anything to do with…your _Secret Admirer_ perhaps?”

Shunsui could swear he tried to remain expressionless as to not give anything away, but maybe his heart stopped a little.“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

She raised a brow at him. “Really? Do you really think anything would get by me in this office? That I wouldn’t notice the fancy little letters you’ve been hiding from me?”

“You _knew_?” Shunsui asked, a bit shocked. And here he was thinking he was being so hush hush about the whole thing.

Nanao rolled her eyes and returned to her desk. “It offends me that you thought I didn’t.”

Interesting turn of events this turned out to be. He couldn’t help but wonder. If Nanao-chan did indeed know all about his Secret Admirer…maybe…

“Do you know who it is?”

Nanao, who had picked up her paperwork again, smiled down at the form before her. “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t,” she said non-commitedly.

“Please, Nanao-chan! Don’t be so mean to your Taicho. Just tell me.”

She shook her head, denying his request. “I’m not telling you anything about anything. Now, please either do your work, or run along and let me do _my_ work in peace.”

“So mean,” Shunsui mumbled, picking up the brush once more and dipping it in ink.

However, the whole conversation planted a terrible thought in his head. What if there really was no Secret Admirer? What if it was some elaborate prank on the poor lonely Soutaicho by someone? Maybe the SWA was having a laugh. He wouldn’t put it past Matsumoto-san honestly. Or even his own Nanao-chan. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. And the more it made sense, the more it made his mood plummet.

But he didn’t want to believe it. He longed for these letters to be true, for it was too late now. He was halfway there…falling for a nameless, faceless woman who had romanced and seduced him with just a sweet words. How cruel would it be for it to now turn out to be nothing more than a prank?

A few minutes passed by, the silence broken only by the scratch of brush on paper. Then a commotion outside startled Shunsui out of his reverie.

A sharp knock, and a bid to enter, was followed by an officer of the 1st relaying some strange information of something or the other that Squads 11 and 12 had gotten up to. A fight or a brawl.

Nanao sighed, standing up from her desk. “Not again.”

“It’s alright, Nanao-chan. I’ll take care of it. You carry on with whatever it is that you were doing,” Shunsui said making a move towards the door already. His mood was feeling low and this was the perfect excuse to get out of the office for a while.

Once he was gone, Nanao cleared up the completed paperwork on his desk to be sent to the relevant divisions. If the little lavender paper got stuffed between some forms and approvals, it was purely an accident. If that specific set of forms ended up in Squad 13, it was surely unintentional. If it was found by the third seat of Squad 13 it was only because their squad was without a fuktaicho still and all the paperwork fell upon her.

Nanao definitely couldn’t have predicted any of that after all. But then again…Ise Nanao almost _always_ knew exactly what was going on, did she not?

* * *

Shunsui was in a glum mood when he finally returned to the office. Nanao had left a message with another officer to let him know that she had a SWA meeting so she would be leaving the office a bit earlier than usual to attend that before the Valentine’s Day Party at the 8th.

He almost thought to go straight to said party. Lisa had continued with his silly tradition as the current Taicho of Squad 8, and she went all out. He dared not be too late and risk all the good sake provided generously by Squad 6, and the cellars of Kuchiki manor itself, running out. But he had to finish his love letter, even if he knew he might never get to send it to the relevant individual…if there even was an individual in the first place.

When he stepped in, he couldn’t see the lavender paper on his desk. Truth be told, he couldn’t see anything on his desk at all.

It was covered with a huge, and by huge meaning gigantic, bouquet of red roses. He shunpoed to see if there was a card left for him, and there definitely was.

_  
Dear Shunsui,_

_I have to say I don’t need a special day out of the year to show you how much you mean to me. Still I know how much you enjoy this day. I used to love the parties you threw back then. Yadomaru Taicho carries on the traditions but I feel it’s not just the same. Not without you._

_Every day feels like a day dedicated to love when thoughts of you haunt me always…but what a beautiful way to be haunted indeed._

_Happy Valentine’s Day, Shunsui!_

_These roses may one day fade, but my love for you never will. I’ve loved you for a lifetime already, and I know I would love you for another lifetime more._

_These are chocolates I made especially for you, infused with your favorite sake, just the way you like it. Every time you taste one, I hope you’d think of me thinking of how much I yearn to taste you._

_With love,_

_Your Secret Admirer_

He picked up the box of chocolates he hadn’t noticed earlier as it was hidden behind the elaborate bouquet of roses. It was an elegant box with a pretty pink print of sakura blossoms, tied together with a pink bow. It almost looked too pretty to undo. _Almost_.

He slowly opened it and popped a cute heart-shaped chocolate into his mouth, savoring the taste of delicious chocolate mixed with the mild bite of the sake. It tasted absolutely divine.

He was floored. If this was a prank, it was truly an unnecessarily elaborate one.

But he allowed himself to cherish this moment in the solitude of his now quiet office. Handmade chocolates and flowers…it was something he would do for someone he was romancing. Now to _be romanced_ by someone so extravagantly, it felt truly amazing. He couldn’t believe someone made these with her own hands just for him. He didn’t think he had something so sweet done for him in a very long time…maybe not forever.

He was the one who had always played the role of the romantic, the seducer, the lover…it did indeed feel nice to have this kind of charm turned on him.

But as much as he devoured the attention, he also felt strangely dismayed. Instinctively, he was a giver. It applied to his family and friends, and it definitely applied to his love life. Even if it was a summer fling, he still treated his companions with respect and adoration. In whatever way possible, he tried to give everything he could to those he loved and valued. It was not in him to not reciprocate. He didn’t know how to not be a giver. It wasn’t in his nature.

This time, he truly desperately wanted to shower his admirer with so much love and affection, and it killed him inside to not know who she was…


	4. About Last Night

She was quite hungover and tired from Yadomaru Taicho’s Valentine’s Day party. It didn’t seem fair that everyone had to go to work the day after, but it was what it was. She should have known better than to go to a party that was renowned to go on late into the night. 

But then again, there was no way she would have let herself miss it for any reason. **  
**

Of all the years Yadomaru Taicho has held the infamous Valentine’s Day party at the 8th Division, Shunsui had never failed to show up. Before he became the Soutaicho, every occasion was an occasion to hold some elaborate event despite Ise-san’s adamant objections. It was a chance for every shinigami to mingle regardless of rank or division. Yadomaru Taicho carried on with most of those traditions holding celebrations and what not, but as the Soutaicho, Shunsui didn’t attend them all. She supposed he _couldn’t_ attend them all. Not with all the responsibilities he got going on. Besides he had a reputation to maintain. The Shunsui she used to know – from afar of course, but observation combined with longing can reveal much – didn’t care about inconsequential things like reputation but as the _Soutaicho_ , it was all so different.

Still the Valentine’s Day party at the 8th was an exception. Even Ise-san attended without fail. 

And it was that _one_ opportunity, she would get to see Shunsui outside of his role in the Gotei 13. All she usually gets would be sneak peeks into his office whenever she went to the 1st to pick up and deliver paperwork, or seeing him in passing in the seireitei. It was a treat to see him lighthearted, smiling easier, and simply just enjoying himself. She never would have missed it. Not for anything in the world

Of course, one cup of sake had turned into two, which turned into much more. The 6th Division’s Kuchki Taicho had provided the sake from his manor and it was simply just too good to resist. She had thought she was watching over Kiyone and Sentaro, making sure they didn’t fight over something creating a drunken mess, but she had ended up getting drunk with them instead. And now she was regretting it. The persistent headache was making an appearance this morning.

Still…she remembered the moment he had walked into the room, looking as handsome as ever in his pink haori. She had sighed involuntarily, making Kiyone giggle.

“You’ve got it bad,” she had teased. Pretending not to know what that meant was the easiest way to deal with Kiyone’s teasing remarks. 

Except it was not a secret amongst the higher ranks of the 13th. Apparently everyone knew about her little – more like massive – crush on the Soutaicho. She suspected even her Taicho knew, though nothing was explicitly mentioned.

After the customary greetings with the other Taichos present, Shunsui had gone to tease Yadomaru Taicho and Ise fuktaicho who seemed to be in an argument over how the latter was failing to experiment in her dating life. 

The way his throat bobbed with every sip of sake had her mouth going a bit dry. The way he bit into the handmade chocolate made by her for the party made her think of those lips on her…and the chocolate she had snuck into his office to leave behind as a special gift. She hoped he liked them. She longed to feel him smile at her the way he smiled at everyone else, but it also terrified her that if he actually did, she might swoon. 

Saying she got it bad might actually be an understatement, honestly!

All the pining and sighing had her parched, so she sidled up to the refreshment table for some lemonade which had also been provided by the 13th, made carefully under her own watchful eyes. She was just reaching for a glass when a familiar voice called out her name over the din of the music.

“_____-san.”

It was Shunsui himself, and she was shocked to realize he actually remembered her name! Startled, the glass almost slipped from her hands. He probably thought she was the clumsiest shinigami in existence and she bit back a groan.

“Sh…Soutaicho!”

“I’m always startling you aren’t I?” he said chuckling. “Bad habit of being too quiet. I end up unintentionally sneaking up on people.” Then as if they were friends or something, he reached out to take the glass from her shaking hands. “I was going to ask you to pour me a glass as well, but considering how I have frightened you, maybe I should do the pouring for the both of us.”

He was smiling at her, and pouring lemonade for her. She wasn’t going to read too much into it but her heart was beating so fast, she feared she might faint.

“Thank you,” she whispered with a soft smile when he handed her a glass. She couldn’t drink it without fearing she might choke on it so she watched him sip his own lemonade instead.

“Ah…” he said. “As delicious as I remember it. You all at the 13th sure know how to make lemonade!”

“Thank you,” you repeated. He might think those were the only words she knew at the rate this was going. If she continued to be tongue-tied in his presence, however would anything become of this silly infatuation in her head?!

Fortunately, Ise fuktaicho took pity on her. “Taicho! Are you harassing poor _____-san?” she demanded.

The statement had her sputtering. Shunsui had such a wounded look on his face. She hastened to deny. “No! Absolutely not!” she declared, and he offered her a sweet smile of appreciation. “Soutaicho was just telling me how much he liked the lemonade from the 13th, Ise-san.”

“Ah,” Ise-san said, a bit of a twinkle in her eye. “Did you know, Taicho? _____-san makes the lemonade _herself_. That’s probably why you smell like lemonade all the time too when you deliver paperwork in the evening,” she teased. “She also made these delicious chocolates!” she continued. “Did you try one, Taicho?”

Before Shunsui could reply to any of it, Yadomaru Taicho came to drag them both for a dance, and Ise-san went protesting the entire way. 

She didn’t know whether to be relieved or feel sad that their time together was cut short. It was the most time she had gotten to spend with Shunsui like that. And she couldn’t believe he remembered her name!

It just might have been the best night she’s ever had. Even if walking into the office in the 13th Division this morning with a pounding headache was not ideal, she walked with a spring in her step and a smile on her face that she just couldn’t seem to get rid of.

She collected the approved paperwork sent in from the 1st Division that needed to be filed in the appropriate places, as well as the pile that she had to fill out and send out soon. With the mindset she was in today, doing any serious form filling would be ill-advised, so she left it for the end of the day. She imagined she would feel much better after lunch if she continued to hydrate and take it slow.

So she started sorting through the paperwork that needed to be filed. She’d done it so often she could do it effortlessly and mindlessly. Which was why she held the lavender paper in her hands for five full minutes trying to decide where it should go in the filing system before she actually thought to read it.

_Dear Secret Admirer,_

_Had I been anyone but who I was, perhaps you might have flirted with me in person, though I do love your letters showing up at the most random places. With your pretty words and ardent gifts you’ve dared to try and seduce me. If I say that maybe you have indeed succeeded, would you stop hiding from me?_

_Writing this letter feels futile. Who would I even send it to when I have no idea who you are?_

_But it feels wrong somehow to be romanced so thoroughly and not be given even the opportunity to return the same._

_I wonder, sometimes in my darkest moments, if this is nothing but an elaborate prank but I wish_

…and the letter ended there abruptly. It remained unfinished. _What did he wish for?_

She held the piece of lavender paper to her chest, trying to fathom what had just happened. Unless someone else in seireitei was sending secret love letters to someone in the 1st Division, which seemed highly unlikely, this was clearly written by Shunsui…to her! And somehow it had been “accidentally” left in the pile of paperwork that someone somehow knew would end up in her hands.

Her heart was beating so fast, she feared it might beat right out of her chest.

This could be from Shunsui himself…but the more likely scenario was that someone had found out about what she had done. Someone actually knew she was sending all these salacious and inappropriate love letters to the goddamn Soutaicho of the Gotei 13 himself and…and…

Oh she didn’t know what to do!

She was on the verge of a terrible panic attack, her breathing coming faster and faster. She felt like she couldn’t take enough air in.

But what if it _was_ actually from Shunsui? Could she ignore the words in this scrap of lavender paper?

_If I say that maybe you have indeed succeeded, would you stop hiding from me?_ The words reverberated in her head. What if he actually meant that?

No, no. That couldn’t be true. Shunsui couldn’t know. She had been so freaking careful. And even if he did, he couldn’t know it was _her_ specifically. His letter itself said so. He probably loved the idea of it…the romance of it. It couldn’t be anything more. 

All her internalized insecurities raised their ugly heads. If he knew who exactly she was, he wouldn’t spare two glances her way.

So maybe this was just an accident. Or maybe it was a warning. 

Whatever it was…all she knew was that she had to stop sending these love letters to him. She had to stop before it all exploded in her face causing trouble for everyone involved.


	5. Sleepless Nights

Uncharacteristically, Shunsui was late to arrive at the office. It was almost ten in the morning when he finally strolled in. Nanao would have admonished him without a thought but the dark circles beneath his eyes revealed he had already had a terrible night. She didn’t want to make it a terrible morning as well.

Shunsui didn’t have the excuse of drunken debauchery at some late night party for his tardiness. The last party he’d been to had been Lisa-chan’s Valentine’s Day celebration and that was over two weeks ago.

It was more or less about how his loneliness and melancholy had kept him up late into the night. Something he definitely didn’t want to burden sweet Nanao-chan about.

He had found himself strolling randomly in seireitei at around three in the goddamn morning because simply staying in his bed staring at his ceiling felt impossible. He didn’t have these kind of difficult nights too often but when he did have them, they were quite terrible.

Sure, he missed Juu. But his loneliness was a bit more than that this time.

It has been over two weeks since he had received anything from his beloved Secret Admirer. Fourteen whole days of complete silence from her was quite unusual, and he felt it acutely. _Where was she?_

The darkest of thoughts had plagued him at night. What if she was sent on a dangerous mission? What if she had been injured? He hated to think it...but what if she was _never_ coming back? Hadn’t he honestly lost _enough_? 

The thoughts spiraled as the evening progressed into the wee hours of the morning, growing darker and more melancholy.

He knew he was not the greatest catch in the Soul Society. That title fell to Byakuya, uncontested. Shunsui was older than everyone in seireitei - a thousand years too old, he’d say. He was nobility too but he wasn’t one to truly fit into that mould, which deterred most noblewomen from considering him. 

He wasn’t what one would call conventionally handsome either. He knew he wasn’t ugly...but he wasn’t exactly... _whole_. Not anymore. Maybe once he would have held some appeal and he had many lovers who thought him handsome enough to have a tumble with him... but the eyepatch never failed to remind him that he was never going to be good looking, by _anyone’s_ standards, with a goddamn hole in his face.

Most days, none of this would honestly bother him. But last night it did.

His beloved Secret Admirer probably came to the conclusion that he wasn’t worth all the trouble after all. Surely, there had to be a reason why he had never been able to have a long term relationship. He blamed it on his job but...was that all it was? Maybe he was just not meant to have a happily ever after with someone.

As romantic as he was, he didn’t really believe in the concept of happily ever after. He knew relationships were work. It was a commitment between two people who cared about each other to work on staying together through whatever. With time, he had put any thoughts of a relationship on the back burner. With his duty to the Gotei 13, and his responsibilities as well as the added burden of maintaining his reputation as the Soutaicho...it was a practical choice. 

But his Secret Admirer had made him _want_. Had made him _yearn_ for a happily ever after for himself in a way he never had before.

He wanted to be loved and cherished as much as he wanted to love and cherish that one special person in his life. But did he really _deserve_ it?

He knew it was her silence that had his latent insecurities rising to the surface keeping him up at night.

So as sleep deprived as he was, he came to the office with a plan. He couldn’t bear her silence anymore so he was not going to. With everything that had come up in the office, he hadn’t been able to finish up the letter he had started to write to her. At that time, it had felt futile considering there was no way to send it to her. 

But he had a brilliant idea. He would have it published in the next installment of the _Seireitei Communication_ including just enough information so that she would know it’s him while withholding enough details to still keep it anonymous. He could trust Hisagi-kun to be discreet.

He had a plan, and it could actually work!

If only he could actually find that bit of lavender paper he had left on his desk.

“Nanao-chan, did you remove anything from my desk by any chance?” he asked, opening up drawers and bending down to check under the desk.

Nanao looked up from the training schedule she was working on. “Nothing more than the usual paperwork. Why what have you lost now?” she asked with an overexaggerated sigh.

“My, my, Nanao-chan. You make it sound like I lose things on a daily basis.”

“The only thing lost on a daily basis around here is my sanity,” she said, rolling her eyes. Still she relented. A distressed Taicho always meant a distressed Nanao. “Fine. Describe it to me and I will tell you if I saw it anywhere.”

“It was nothing official. Just a bit of lavender paper I had been writing on…” he trailed off seeing the look on her face. “What? Did you see it?”

“You lost the letter you were writing to you Secret Admirer?” she asked.

“Nanao-chan! How did you…?”

“You forget, Taicho,” she said quite matter of factly. “There’s nothing that goes on here I don’t know about. But I haven’t seen it. Maybe it got mixed up in some paperwork and got sent to another division. I don’t think anyone would recognize your flowery handwriting which you reserve for your personal correspondence anyway. So nothing to worry about.”

Shunsui simply stared at her. He has known his little fuktaicho for too long to not notice that something was off. All this time, he thought she was just laughing at his expense because he was mooning over someone he didn’t even know. But now...that look...the way she said it without even having to think about it...it all felt fishy somehow. Nanao-chan was up to something.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” she huffed, correcting the papers on her desk that didn’t need correcting. A nervous habit that always gave her away. “If you don’t have any serious work, I have a pile of forms…”

“You know perfectly well who it is, don’t you, Nanao-chan?” he interrupted her attempts to distract him.

“I don’t know what you’re…”

“ _Please_ , Nanao-chan. It’s perfectly obvious you know exactly what I am talking about. Just...tell me…” he said.

He was so serious and intent. Nanao had only ever seen him like that in the heat of the worst kind of battle. She dropped her pretenses as well.

“She and I have both left enough breadcrumbs for you as it is. So if you’re so desperate to know who she is, why don’t you do the work to actually find out?” she asked him. “Clearly the girl cares about you but is terrified to approach you. Who wouldn’t be considering who you are and the position you hold. She is a nice girl, Taicho. But as things stand, she wouldn’t be the one to approach you so maybe you should find out for yourself who she is and do the approaching.”

So Nanao did indeed know who his Secret Admirer was. He understood her reasons why she couldn’t tell him. It wasn’t really _her_ secret to divulge. Shunsui had to respect that despite his desperation.

“Is my sweet Nanao-chan giving her taicho dating advice?” he teased instead.

“Yes, I am,” she declared with a raised brow. “For even _I_ can see how far you’ve fallen that you need advice from _me_ to get yourself a date!”

Shunsui gasped, buying into the friendly teasing. “Nanao-chan is so mean to her taicho!”

Finally, they both got back to work, but Shunsui’s mind was still thinking about what Nanao had said. Apparently breadcrumbs were laid out and he hadn’t even noticed! He clearly had to pay more attention.

He tried to outline the facts in his mind. 

The letters were always lemon scented. It could be a shampoo or some kind of scented cream...but it smelled fresh, almost as if unintentional. Something to further ponder upon. 

The gifts were always elaborate but simple and he hadn’t been able to trace it through any vendor. The chocolates were handmade so his little Secret Admirer was probably very good with cooking and baking. 

The handwriting was very distinctive as well. Especially the way she looped all her Ls and Bs with a distinctive flowy curve. 

So far, the facts didn’t fit well into place to identify her as anyone he knew...but somehow, it felt like it was just barely within reach now. As if it’s only missing one final puzzle piece for the whole thing to come together.

* * *

That night, sleep evaded him once more. He couldn’t deny it. He missed her! He couldn’t help but wishing that she was right next to him, romancing him with more than just her words. He wished he could cherish her in all the ways he desperately yearned to.

He took the letters he kept at hand in the drawer of his bedside table. He found that he liked to read them sometimes, and no matter how many times he read her words, they still managed to make him feel things. The shape of her words, the texture of the paper...it comforted him.

However, the sensual seductive ones were his downfall.

With all the time he has been alive, and all the experience he’s had, one would think he would be able to resist the temptation. But he often couldn’t.

Reading those letters, describing how she wanted to make love under the moonlight or how she yearned to taste him...it had him imagining soft feminine hands touching him. His hand would unconsciously reach into his hakama of its own volition and grasp his manhood, wondering what it would feel like to be touched by someone who ardently wanted to please him.

It wouldn’t take him too long at all. He would cum, gasping into the empty bedroom, wishing he had a name he could moan. Wishing she was here for him to hold.

Sated, he’d finally fall asleep. Yet though his body was satisfied, his mind wasn’t. He couldn’t help but feel alone on this big empty bed.

* * *

That coveted final piece of the puzzle arrived as, of all things, more paperwork. He was mindlessly flipping through some reports after lunch when it popped out at him like well-lit beacon.

It wasn’t anything special. Just a request for more funds to be allocated for a better training ground for the 13th division. Except it was filled out by his beloved Secret Admirer. The handwriting screamed her identity at him, looping Ls and Bs and all.

“_____-san,” he whispered to himself, wondering how he could have missed it.

Suddenly, everything was perfectly crystal clear. 

Everyone knew that while Kuchiki Rukia settled in enough to pick her own fuktaicho, the 3rd seat of the 13th was acting in that role in an unofficial capacity, putting her in-charge of all the paperwork coming and going from that division. A reason why she was always showing up at the 1st...giving her ample opportunities to learn his habits well enough to leave behind those delightful missives without ever getting caught.

The lemon scent was from all the lemonade he knew she made for her division and for some special occasions in the seireitei. It was her specialty, a way of creating comfort and homeliness for her subordinates. He had tasted her chocolates twice - once at the Valentine’s Day party itself and then when she gifted them to him specifically. Both facts which had been pointed out by Nanao-chan while _____-san stood right next to him. No wonder she had flushed red then. It hadn’t been out of embarrassment but possibly from thinking she might get caught. The little _minx_.

He couldn’t help but remember every encounter he had with her in the recent past. Her cute blushes...the way she gasped out “Soutaicho!” Come to think of it, every time he saw her, he felt like she almost called him Shunsui out of habit only to change it to his official title at the last minute. He even recalled the twinkle in her eyes every time she looked up at him.

He couldn’t believe it. He finally knew who his Secret Admirer was and she’d been right before his eyes, had he only known where to look. He couldn’t help smiling, thinking about all the ways he would get back at her for running him around in circles. He would torture her so, _so_ deliciously…

“You have that dopey smile on your face. Should I be worried?” Nanao asked, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Hmm…? Of course not, Nanao-chan,” he said, not really reassuring her at all. “I am heading out. Be back soon!” 

“Taicho!” she called out but he was already gone.


End file.
